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 I wish I had more help and understanding.........

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ChicasMomma
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PostSubject: I wish I had more help and understanding.........   Tue Sep 25, 2012 9:33 am

So yesterday I wake up, and this is the worst part of my day I feel horrible, i have barely had enough time to wake up and i have just taken my meds, im sitting in my recliner and my husband comes inside from smoking and says "god this house looks horrible!" he then sits down at the computer and that's that.(when he's home he is on the computer 80% of the time)

I understands he works, but it's not a very hard job, he works in the retail business. I understand there is still stress from work and that he works forty hours a. Weeek. But I am not doing good with my IIH, and I have my baby girl 7 days a week 24 hours a day, I don't ever get a break.

It is so hard to take care of myself, to pull my self together and out of bed every morning, as well as take care of our 3yr old little girl. I do the best I can to keep up with house work, but the moment I clean it it's a disaster by night fall.

We had a pretty big fight about a month ago and I expressed all of my feels to him, that I am not getting better just getting worse, because to me it feels like he ignores or thinks that I am doing fine, and for awhile he had a really bad attitude everyday he came home from work if and if i didn't have dinner done or his clothes weren't washed, the Way he talked and treated me was like I should be healed now that I have stopped working. He did care to here that I was feeling bad. Since our fight a month ago he has change a few things he does his own laundry, but besides that nothing else but mow the lawn which he always has even before my illness.

My issues now are he doesn't even seem to pick up after him self in the kitchen, he will leave his partially ate dinner on the counter, and if he magically decides to cook dinner he doesn't rise the dishes or pots either. I have to ask him four or five times to take out the trash and recycle, and most the time he doesn't. He respond to me one time when I asked him and told him it was over flowing almost and I needed to through some things away and he said well how come you let the trash pile up like that! HELLO I'm not the only one who puts trash in the dang thing!!! And he still never took it out that night.

I mean all I ask is that he scrap his plates when he's done, and rinsing them too would be nice. And when we first moved into this house he would clea up the dog and cat poo in our backyard and I know he hasn't done that in atleast a month and a half so there fore our daughter can't go out in the backyard and play in the yard do to all the poop every where! I mean for peets sake my dad vacuumed my house for me because he knows I need help and he works a forty hour week job too!

All I ask for is a little more help and some more compassion I guess And alittle more help around the house.

I know he is going through this as well, and Iam there for him and try to the best I can. It seems like it is 50/50 with him

So after the comment I got my hurting, drained self off the couch and played cinderella. He did not offer once to help me, I cleaned the house, did all three of our laundry, took out the trash and recycle mopped and I waspissed and on a mission I guess. I guess I was trying to prove to him how hard it is for me, I mean I can't even cook dinner with out siting down several times during the process, I only stopped cleaning and stuff when my back started to have painful spasms and continued to finish the basket of laundry I was working on, only then did I stop.

No thank you, no the house looks nice! NO Nothing!

When I was working and he was unemployed I would come home to a filthy house daily, his response was that it's hard to clean up while our daughter was up, well our daughter helps me with what she can when I clean. So I don't understand how he couldn't do it. And when I would come home I would help take care of our daughter feed her bathe her put her to bed, clean house atleast once as week top to bottom all the while I was bustin my butt off working 40+ hrs a week at a physically & mentally demanding job and suffering from IIH :/

I regret doing as much as I did yesterday, but he pissed me off and that's how I work out my frustration when I am frustrated with him. I have been layed out all day because of yesterday, my own doing I know.

I know I am complaining alot but I feel like I should have more support from him. Maybe I should just drop the case and deal with it. Who knows all I know is I am tired and am doing as good as I can, which is not my idea of good for the old me.....

Thx for listening
😪
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ChicasMomma
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PostSubject: Re: I wish I had more help and understanding.........   Tue Sep 25, 2012 9:38 am

:ill I wish I could go to sleep......
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Relli3131
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PostSubject: Re: I wish I had more help and understanding.........   Tue Sep 25, 2012 2:02 pm

You are not complaining, vent away. I think most of of have experienced something like that in one way or another. My husband doesn't quite get it either. I can work through the pain and not even get and acknowledgement but if there is one thing out of place I hear all about it. "WHATEVER!!" I just cannot do what I used to, plain and simple. I do the best that I can as the pain permits. My poor home often looks like a twister has come through and we fight about it unfortunately. Until I am fully recovered I can only do what I can do.

You concentrate on feeling better. Your baby needs you and you need to keep up your strength. We are all here to support one another. Feel free to vent as often as you need to. I know I do and it's helped me tremendously. Smile
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Wylee
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PostSubject: Re: I wish I had more help and understanding.........   Tue Sep 25, 2012 10:33 pm

I feel so badly for you ladies. I am no longer married because I was married to a man who just couldn't get it. In fact, I was on the phone with him earlier today. He is still in the hospital, being treated for spinal menengitis and a CSF leak. NOW he get's it. Oh boy :roll:

You gals may want to print off some of the papers available on this site, and ask your hubbies to read them. I especially like the But You Don't Look Sick. I suspect that if they knew just how you felt it might change their attitude. I hope so anyway.

But, we understand and support you. You are not foing so good right now and need all the help you can get, not a slug. Wish I had a magic wand.
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medmisfit
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PostSubject: Re: I wish I had more help and understanding.........   Wed Sep 26, 2012 10:07 pm

I have to admit I had to walk away from this one a couple times before I could respond appropriately :Angry:

My initial response was to encourage you to call your husband and tell him he needs to leave work and care for your daughter because you were unable to function after cleaning up his mess. Then of course have the discussion that he needs to make a choice..help you with household chores or quit his job and care for your daughter. I know that doesn't help anyone, but it's just as ridiculous as expecting you to do everything while suffering from symptoms that you can't control.

Unfortunatley, I'm sure he thinks he was right because you went ahead and did it. I would definitely make sure he's aware of the symptoms you experienced because of pushing through the pain. Maybe keeping a symptom log and sharing it w/ him would help him understand. I'd look at the guides and try to find a way to modify the housekeeping tasks. If something hurts, then I'd tell him what you experience and ask him to take care of that particular task. If he's read the info and still doesn't understand, maybe your doctor would explain your limitations to him. I'd definitely have a candid discussion w/ him and set some limits. The bottom line is you need to make yourself a priority, so you're able to be there for your daughter..hang in there!!!

hug
Julie
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ChicasMomma
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PostSubject: Re: I wish I had more help and understanding.........   Thu Sep 27, 2012 8:50 pm

thank you everyone for your responses, I just do t know what to do, I'm so happy for this site so I don't feel so alone. I am having trouble finding the print outs everybody is telling me about we're on the site do I go to find them?

~Nichole
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pennyroyal
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PostSubject: Re: I wish I had more help and understanding.........   Thu Sep 27, 2012 9:41 pm

Hi Nichole,

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

all the stuff is in the section above. Hope it helps. I have found lots of useful stuff in there which has helped people make an attempt at understanding what it is we go through.

Hope things start looking up for you. Its hard when you have little ones - my house forever looks like a bomb site when I'm ill. Hopefully things will improve with your hubbie once he has a bit more info.
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sammyjo
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PostSubject: Re: I wish I had more help and understanding.........   Thu Sep 27, 2012 10:28 pm

my husband has bluntly out right called me a facker just beacuse when my head was killing and my ears were driving me crazy i went for a walk to take my mind off of it as sometimes mind over matter works, his responses was you cant be that ill ur facking it if u were in that much pain u wouldnt walk. i just wish for one day he could feel what its like to have ur body slowly give up on you. to feel like ur crawling out of your skin
:Angry:
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