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 is it too much to ask ?

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sammyjo
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PostSubject: is it too much to ask ?   Sun Nov 18, 2012 2:42 pm

so here i am really excited about getting my shunt soon coz it actualy feels like a positive step but my other half, dosent see it like that he dosent wont me to have it not cause he is worried bout surgry or complications but because he dosent want to travel all that way (nottingham hospital is a 3 hour or so drive from where we live) he dosent want to too and frow and he and i quote "isnt sure if he can take care of me after the op"

apparently having to listen to me cry and go blind on and off for the past 3 ish years we have been together has been too much already and its not fair for me to ask more of him aka help me after my op EVEN THOUGHT B4 WE GOT TOGETHER I INFORMED HIM OF MY IIH

am i asking too much
should i understand where he is comming from
i have never asked him to take care of me the postive thing about having IIH for 10yrs is that i have learnt to take care of my self he has never helpped me he has never even helpped me out of the car after lp... when we first got together my IIH was rrelativly controlled with frusemide toprimate and lps he was lovly then and then we moved in and he saw the extent of IIH and hasnt been the same since SORRY FOR THE RANT. AM I BEING UNREASONANBLE ?
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Sophiasmom
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PostSubject: Re: is it too much to ask ?   Sun Nov 18, 2012 9:57 pm

oh Sammy; I think the answer is both yes and no.
sure, if someone loves you and cares for you, it's reasonable to expect they would help you with this. but some men are not good at caretaking and get overwhelmed. it might not be in his nature to do this for you. he sure should have helped you out of the car after your LPs so I don't like the sound of this. but he has been overwhelmed with your illness, he probably didn't understand it fully before he was with you for awhile. he must love you because he stayed. but he may not be emotionally capable of being what you need right now. maybe he should suck it up, but maybe you should be with someone for whom it's not so onerous. is there anyone else who can help you with this?
Deb
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sammyjo
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PostSubject: Re: is it too much to ask ?   Sun Nov 18, 2012 10:23 pm

i dont have any family left, i contactted the local housing agency they can get me a 1 bed council place to live alone living alone dose not scare me normaly but after my op it may b imposible x
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Sophiasmom
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PostSubject: Re: is it too much to ask ?   Mon Nov 19, 2012 6:18 am

Sammy I'm so sorry. you are not in a good situation. I understand. I'm having surgery next month and while I have people to help me, it's not an ideal situation and I'm worried they are going to drop their own crap on me while I'm fighting an uphill battle recovering. I've considered trying to do it on my own because there's no one else. I don't know where you are or what services might be available there. I wonder if someone from this site might be nearby, who might be able to help, or if a church group would be able to work in shifts to help you. I think if you are in the hospital and you are not able to care for yourself and have no one, then they need to put you in some type of step down care unit, similar to a rehab facility or nursing home, before completely discharging you. make some calls to see what you can find out. I wonder if your partner needs some reassurance, some information so he doesn't feel so overwhelmed. I wonder if he connected with other partners on the site if that would help. I'm not sure how active that part of the site is.
anyway, I know what it's like to need help and to feel all alone. this illness seems to do that to us.
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Deb
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sammyjo
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PostSubject: Re: is it too much to ask ?   Mon Nov 19, 2012 11:26 am

thanks deb he dosent really have any intrest in iih he has heast my nuro doc talk about the suverity of it i have given him paper work about it aswell but he just thinks its aloud of moaning people about a migrain x
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PostSubject: Re: is it too much to ask ?   Mon Nov 19, 2012 3:48 pm

I'm really sorry to hear you're not getting the support you need. I agree w/ Deb and think your hospital should be able to offer some assistance. If they can keep you a little longer or place you in a step down facility, then maybe your friends or partner would be willing to help out once you're home. I think it is difficult for anyone that hasn't gone through it, but hopefully your partner would at least be willing to bring you home. I've lost a lot of family and friends over the years, and just surround myself w/ the people I can rely on now..it's definitely a tough place to be! I know there are members that have stayed by themselves after surgery and gotten along well, so wish you the best!!!

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Julie
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sammyjo
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PostSubject: Re: is it too much to ask ?   Mon Nov 19, 2012 4:20 pm

thank you julie i think i will b better off alone coz then i wont have added stress x
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Sophiasmom
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PostSubject: Re: is it too much to ask ?   Tue Nov 20, 2012 9:04 pm

yes Sammy that is the conclusion I've come to for myself. once I get through this surgery of mine, I hope to never have to ask anyone for anything again and I will just take care of myself, by myself.
regarding your partner, so.....does he really think that your neurosurgeon would implant a foreign body into your BRAIN for just a MIGRAINE? come ON!!!
he doesn't sound like the right person for you. you don't need that negativity. you are right, the stress is toxic.

please hang in there and best wishes for your surgery.
Deb
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sammyjo
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PostSubject: Re: is it too much to ask ?   Wed Nov 21, 2012 4:25 pm

thank you soooooo much deb ur support is warming x x
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pennyroyal
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PostSubject: Re: is it too much to ask ?   Wed Nov 21, 2012 8:13 pm

Sammy,

I just read your post out to my husband to get a male opinion. I developed IIH just after our first wedding anniversary. He has had to do all those things you hope someone you love will never have to do - hold your hair out the way while you throw up, help you to the loo and some days he had to dress me. Its not the greatest start to married life.
However when I read your post my husbands answer was very clear and without hesitation. You are not asking to much. You are not being unreasonable. You are ill and that's unfortunate. But when you love someone you love them for the good times and bad. One bad the boot might be on the other foot and he may need you to nurse him through a tough time. All relationships go through things that test you. This has tested yours and your partner has failed you miserably at a time that you needed his support.

I know you mentioned you were off to have your shunt in Nottingham. Are you Midlands based? If so I am staffordshire direction - just wondered if we were close by?

The very best of luck with everything. It sounds like your shunt is a positive step. May it be the first of many positive things for you.
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sammyjo
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PostSubject: Re: is it too much to ask ?   Wed Nov 21, 2012 11:29 pm

my nuro is in nottingham but i am in boston lincolnshire x tell u husband i said thank you for a male opion and u r a lucky lady x
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